


Elide has a history, Lorcan struggles with the truth

by sarah_bae_maas



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 16:12:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16857202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarah_bae_maas/pseuds/sarah_bae_maas
Summary: posted July 14, 2018.





	Elide has a history, Lorcan struggles with the truth

This was it. It had taken over a year to earn her forgiveness. Near death, war, sacrifice, none of it had been enough to stop him from fighting for her.

It had led to a welcome to Perranth. And then it had led to a walk around the gardens – a casual act of courting. Then a date. Then a kiss. Then a kiss that lasted hours.

And now here they were, in her bed with her overtop him, kissing and nipping at every piece of exposed skin on his shirtless body.

With glee, Lorcan flipped them, her giggle at his actions the noise of his day dreams. He nuzzled her neck, one of his hands tracing down her torso. Her skin was soft, the perfect smooth to his rough, and he wanted to explore every inch of it.

“Lorcan,” she breathed.

“Yes, my love?”

“I need to tell you something.”

Her voice was breathless, and not in the way he was expecting. She became nervous, he could tell from the way her scent changed and her arms stiffened, and Lorcan instantly pulled back and off her, fearing he had scared her with her advances.

He knew it must be intimidating to be with a brute such as he. He had been bedding women since before he should have been and Elide had never felt the touch of another. He had already warned her that it might hurt, that she would probably bleed, but not to be frightened. He would be as gentle as one could be, and although the first time might not be great the times after, when her body was more familiar with the sensations, would be amazing.

He sat next to her, not touching. She grabbed his hand and held it to her chest, only moving it to kiss his knuckles.

“You know that I love you,” she stated.

“Yes, although it still seems impossible to me.” A vulnerable thing to say, a place he could only be with her and her only.

“You know that I’m ready for this, and I want you, and wholly you.”

“Yes.”

She swallowed hard and looked down, unable to meet his eyes. His lips turned upwards slightly at the sight of her. Her blinds were thrown open, the room hot from summer’s heat, and the moon was so bright that it was making her hair shine like crashing water at midnight.

“Lorcan.”

“Yes?” He loved this woman so much. He leant in and kissed the side of her hair, and she leant into his touch.

“I slept with Gavriel.”

He froze. He pulled back. Away.

She had slept with another of Maeve’s bloodsworn. One much more honourable than he, more loved than he. One who had a life that was about more than making the woman you love forgive you after a grave sin.

A good man.

A better man.

“I didn’t realize.”

He did not know how to react to the news. It was her body, her choice who she gave it to, and he respected that – was glad, even, that Morath hadn’t scarred her to the point of fearing intimacy with another. But there was also a niggle in his mind, one that reminded him that he was _inferior inferior inferior_ and even his mate knew it. It had driven her into the arms of another male. A male who stood next to him every day in the war, who had once been his soldier, who Lorcan thought one day could be a friend.

But gods, what was he thinking? The thought of him having a friend was ludicrous. Even Elide wasn’t ever really his friend. They just suddenly were _something_.

Why tell him now? Of all the opportunities, the months they’d had together, building themselves up, together, and it’s right before they take the final step that she tells him?

A voice in Lorcan’s mind, a poisonous one he hadn’t heard since the war, told him that she was trying to drive him away. To find any excuse not to be with a man so below her station. That if he left himself she needn’t feel guilty for stringing him along.

“It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Lorcan cleared his throat. “Yes, um, of course.”

“It was during the war. I thought we were all going to die, and I wanted to know what it was like to be with someone like that. Gavriel was always so kind and gentle, and when I asked him and explained he divulged me.”

“That makes sense.”

“It ended soon after the war.”

It was more than once then. You might even be able to call it a relationship. Lorcan found himself reeling, his mind envisioning Elide and Gavriel doing things he wanted. It felt like his mind was being burned. But even though his mind was a whirl wind from the news, his body was still – deathly still.

And then he remembered something.

“After the war…” he started, finally turning to look her in the eyes. She got on her knees next to him, her face hopeful. Lorcan didn’t realise she had been scared of the outcome of this.

Scared of him.

“After the war, at Aelin’s private address to the cadre, Gavriel made a pretty, fluffly speech about how the only person he wanted to focus on was his son. How he wanted to dedicate the next few years and however much longer it would take to healing their relationship. That wasn’t just for the boy-prince, was it? It was a dismissal of you.”

She swallowed hard, and her chest rose and fell with a deep sigh. “It was.”

“Why.”

“Because we had been together for months in secret, and I hoped that with the end of the war we could be something more. But Gavriel didn’t want that – he had never alluded to anything but the fact – but I was lonely, and sad. I liked the security he offered me.”

Lorcan did the math in his head. If Gavriel and Elide had been together during the war for _months_ , it had started when they were on the first leg of their journey to save Aelin. And continued right up until the end.

Right up until…

“That was the night you asked me if I wanted to visit Perranth. You were still barely speaking to me, and then late that night you knocked on my door.”

Her eyes widened at his words, her bow lips parting slightly.

“Would you have asked me if Gavriel hadn’t rejected your advances?”

She covered her mouth with her hand, and Lorcan knew her answer.

He slid out of the bed, picking up his discarded shirt and pulling it over his head.

“Lorcan,” she whimpered, “please don’t go.” She hurried after him as he walked away. He desperately needed to clear his head, and he couldn’t compose his thoughts logically if she was right next to him.

He knew Elide had hated him, knew that his mate – who gods, wasn’t even aware of their bond yet – had likely never intended to speak to him again. The only reason she did was because he was a back-up, the next male available if Gavriel was not there for her. He was a last thought. Second rate. A bastard. Even to his mate.

The stone beneath his feet was cold and harsh and he walked away, Elide barely keeping pace with him. One of Yrene’s healers had been working with her every day on her ankle, and she was making an amazing recovery.

But she was still human, and he was still a demi-fae.

A half-breed, worthless piece of shit that not even the valg queen Maeve wanted.

“Lorcan, please stay. Stay with me,” she begged, grabbing his hand and stopping him in his tracks. He turned towards her, shockingly fast, and lay a gentle kiss to her lips that had her swaying on her feet. His hands went to her cheeks, holding her like she was delicate enough to break underneath him.

He kissed her again. Once, twice. And when she was blushing like a girl who’d just gotten her first love letter, he left.

___

He didn’t bother with a horse as he ran, he was faster anyway. He bolted through the night, right until he was on the doorstep of a cottage he had barely visited. He pounded on the door, slamming it so hard he tore the skin on his fists.

Gavriel opened the door with a sword in hand and snarl on his face. He put the weapon down at the sight of Lorcan but didn’t look any less weary.

“I thought you were stationed in Perranth now.”

“I am.”

“Did something happen? Why are you here?” Gavriel stepped to the side so that Lorcan could enter his residence. Lorcan did so, shoving his shoulder as he went past. Gavriel scoffed at the action and rolled his eyes but didn’t retaliate.

A patient male. A better male.

Lorcan went to his dining room, where he found both Lysandra and Aedion Ashryver sitting at the table, cards and drinks spread between them. Aedion stood at Lorcan’s entrance, but he didn’t give them any notice.

“Do you revel in destroying women, Gavriel?”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“How badly must you have hurt her, to drive her into my arms instead of yours?”

Gavriel stopped in his tracks, his eyes darting between Lorcan and Aedion.

“What are you on about, Lorcan?” Aedion queried, his hand too casually resting on Lysandra’s shoulder for it to actually be casual. Ha! What a joke. As if the shifter wasn’t deadlier than the males in the room.

Lorcan ignored him and continued speaking to Gavriel. “You’re so damn lucky – you’ve always been so lucky. Noble, high-ranking, a family that worships the ground you walk on, one of Maeve’s favourites. And Elide, you had Elide that whole time and you kept her a secret. You had the best this world has to offer, and you _refused_ her. You _hurt_ her. What kind of prick does that?”

Aedion looked between the two males squaring off and stood, holding out his hand for Lysandra to take. She did, and the two walked towards the door and out of the house without a word.

Lorcan didn’t know how Aedion would react to his father bedding the woman Aedion had been protective of since he was a child, but Lorcan was too furious to care.

How dare Gavriel treat Elide in such a manner. Lorcan didn’t care about his own role in this; Elide deserved better. And he’ll be damned if the Lion doesn’t know it.

Gavriel watched his son leave, his face falling at the sight. As the door shut, that sadness turned to fury.

“What the fuck are you doing here, in my home, asking questions you have no right to know the answers to. And in front of my son? This is why Aelin always spits that we’re territorial bastards.”

“I’m not here because you were warming beds with Elide, I’m here because – because I think she might still have feelings for you, and I’m just a consolation prize. I’m here because she’s been through so much and she deserves everything this world and the stars above can offer her. And if that’s you, then so be it.”

Gavriel rolled his eyes and reeled back. “Are you _insane_ , Lorcan? Elide and I were a fling that ended well over a year ago. And if I’m being honest, you coming here and questioning her own damn choices when I’m certain she’s told you her feelings on the matter, is the kind of disrespectful shit you used to do around Maeve. How dare you belittle her opinion so much that you call yourself a consolation prize. She’s Elide fucking Lochan. If she didn’t want to be with you then she wouldn’t bloody be with you.”

Lorcan looked at Gavriel wide-eyed.

“We’re all adults here. Start acting like it. Now get the rutting hell out of my house.”

Lorcan nodded and turned away, churning over Gavriel’s words.

Lorcan was about to say something when he felt cool steel pressed to his throat.

“One more thing,” Gavriel growled. “When my son is here, you are not. Never try and come between us again.”

Gavriel pushed him out the door and slammed it behind him.

_____

Lorcan sulked back to Perranth, regretting his brash actions. He was going much slower now, and it wasn’t until the evening that he was walking through the gates of Elide’s home, nodding at the sentries guarding it as he did. He walked from room to room trying to find her, eventually spotting her in one of her sun-rooms, working with her healer. Elide looked up as the door creaked but ignored him and continued with her session. A half-hour of painful ankle exercises and massages later, she politely thanked and dismissed her healer. She didn’t stand from the bench she was sitting on, nor did her gaze fall to him. Rather, her jaw had hardened and her brows fallen – an undeniable sign that she was trying not to cry.

“I made a mistake,” he said.

“Is that right?” she gritted through her clenched teeth.

He slowly approached her, kneeling before her like a disgraced knight to his queen.

“I didn’t let you finish your story, and then I presumed things that were untrue.”

She sighed deeply. “I spoke to Aedion. He came by earlier, very concerned that his father had somehow broken my heart. I know you confronted Gavriel, I just don’t know _why_. I know you’re over that petty territorial shit, and I told you that I love _you_ , that I want _you_ , and Gods I knew you wouldn’t take it well, but I also couldn’t keep lying about that part of myself. What Gavriel and I had will always be dear to me, I will always keep him in high regard but Lorcan that does not mean that I still have feelings for him, or that losing him is what drove me to you. He did not destroy me, Lorcan. No man ever could.”  

Lorcan rested his head on her knees. “I’m so sorry, Elide.”

“That was my truth, now what’s yours?”

He took a deep breath. “There are issues that I have with myself – insecurities – and I let those feelings get the better of me. Before this, when I’ve doubted myself, it was internalized. But last night I let it become so bad that I doubted you.” He ran his hands down her calves, kissing one of her knees as he did. “You’re the only certainty in this world, and I doubted you.” His proclamation ended in a whisper.

She bent down and rested her head on his, placing her hands on his neck. “If you have questions about us, I’m happy to answer them. Because truly, I’m over it. His rejection was nothing compared to the pain of you leaving me last night.”

He nuzzled into her. “I have one question.” He looked up at her, her eyes shining, and mouth wobbling. With one hand, he gently traced her lips and brows with the pads of this fingers. “Why did you come to me that night, right after what happened with Gavriel?”

A single tear fell as she smiled. “Because when he did that, it didn’t really hurt at all. While he was saying those words, I was thinking about how nice it would be to hear your voice echoing in my hallways the way his was in Aelin’s.”

Lorcan stood slowly, his hands running up her thighs, waist, neck, jaw, until they settled in her loose hair.

“Lady Lochan, if you would permit it, I would like to finish what we started last night.”

Her legs wrapped around his waist and she pulled him in.


End file.
